Current location:	Žižkov!
Current mood:	satisfied
Current music:	soundtrack to "On the Waterfront" by L. Bernstein

We Present: An All New Angsty Saga: "Thresholds"
As a slash fanfic writer, I have certain themes I like to return to again and again. Terrible tragedies and angst, lots of characters comforting each other, and always, lots of tears and a happy ending are what you'll find in my stories, and I make no apologies about it. As a writer, however, I like to push my boundaries, and try new things, and the story that follows did, indeed, fit both those needs.

All the aforementioned hurt/comforty elements are present in abundance, but I've never written McKay/Beckett before, nor Sheppard/Zelenka, and, while I've written a few threesomes, I've never done a foursome before. For myself, I'm quite pleased with the results.

In a desire to make the fun last, I'll be posting this two chapters at a time, every few days, probably Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and there are 22 chapters in all.

Enjoy

TD

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Title: On Thresholds, and Passing Through Them

Author: Taylor Dancinghands -taylor@willendorphians.com

Category: slash, h/c, foursome, fake character death

Pairings/Characters: McKay/Beckett, Sheppard/Zelenka, and then, Beckett/Sheppard/Zelenka, and then McKay/Beckett/Sheppard/Zelenka, eventually, also passing implications of Teyla/Ronon, and Weir and Lorne appear as well

Rating: NC 17

Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where

Summary: Rodney McKay's apparent death tears an enormous hole in the lives of many on Atlantis, especially his lover, Carson Beckett. It seems only natural when Carson turns to Radek and John for comfort, even when the three of them grow closer than expected. Then, their new, fragile equilibrium becomes threataned, by what ought to be the best possible news, for Rodney McKay is not dead at all...

Spoilers/Season: Possible minor references to episodes through season 3.

Beta: Working without a net this time around, so any errors in spelling, grammar or continuity are all on me, but special thanks anyhow to mice1900 for virtual over-the-shoulder reading and general encouragements.


And, lest I forget, (perish the thought) Radek would not know nearly as many lovely things to say in Czech without my invaluable, local language adviser, dinofly

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?




On Thresholds and Passing Through Them

OR

La Cathédrale Engloutie

by Taylor Dancinghands


Chapter 1


Maybe, after all this time, Elizabeth thought, she had acquired a sort of sixth sense when it came to returning gate teams. Maybe, though, it was only the highly attuned people-reading skills she'd always had and put to use as a diplomat that informed her, as she saw Sheppard come through the gate that day, that something was seriously wrong... more wrong than usual.

He was soaking wet, as were Teyla and Ronon who followed in his wake, and though they hadn't called for assistance, and each stepped through at a leisurely pace, indicating that there was no hostile pursuit involved, the air of deep distress that radiated from all of them had Elizabeth barreling down the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her. The penny dropped as she reached the bottom and watched the gate close behind Ronon, leaving three dripping and despondent team members alone with her in the gate room. Rodney was not among them.

Stumbling to a stop before the three remaining team members, Elizabeth found herself raising her hand to her mouth in dismay. "Where..." she whispered with dread, "where's Rodney?"

"There wasn't anything..." Sheppard began, choking on his words. "We did everything we could... we stayed until we had to... we had to... He told us..." Sheppard closed his eyes then and drew a deep breath, doing what he could to pull himself together. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth," he managed at last. "We lost him. He... he's gone."

"How?" She forced her hands down from her face, following John's example and pulling herself together, as much as possible. "Tell me what happened."

The expression on Sheppard's face grew very dark, and though he seemed to be trying to find words, none came. He blames himself, of course, Elizabeth thought with a pang, and then Teyla spoke, her voice smooth and too accustomed to grief.

"The city became partially active when Dr McKay and the Colonel entered it," she began, "and a number of doors closed themselves behind us, without warning. Rodney was able to open the doors between us and the exit, but was unable to free himself from the room he had entered in time."

"The tide..." Elizabeth remembered this from the pre-mission briefing. The city -an Ancient city Lorne had described as a 'miniature Atlantis' perhaps one tenth the size of their own city- had been cast up on the shores of MX-374 ages ago, possibly tossed there by storms or a tidal wave. The residents of one of the abundant islands and archipelagos of this world of shallow seas (Elizabeth had privately wanted to call it 'Earthsea') had been happy to direct Lorne's team to this remarkable artifact, and had been perfectly willing to let the offworlders explore it. The catch was that nearly all of it was underwater now, though once every six weeks or so the moons of this world brought a particularly low tide which retreated from approximately seventy percent of the miniature city/spaceship.

The natives hadn't warned of any curses or taboos regarding the city, and even recounted how, in the past, some remarkable and useful artifacts had been looted from the few exposed areas of the city. They made it clear, however, that going into the deeper parts of the vessel during these low tides was dangerous and that, among the locals, exploring it was considered foolhardy. But we are foolhardy all the time, Elizabeth reflected tragically. It's what we do. Have we forgotten that, eventually, there must be consequences to tempting fate again and again?

"Yes," Teyla nodded. "The tide was already beginning to turn when we became trapped, and Rodney worked as quickly as he could to free us. The water had become quite high in our own compartment when he was finally able to open the doors that would let us return to the surface, but he had gone ahead into the next room just before the doors closed, and neither he nor we, for all our efforts, were able to open the doors that trapped him before the water became too high."

Trapped, Elizabeth thought with horror, trapped and drowned -a fate that Rodney had only narrowly escaped once before. "Oh my god," she whispered.

"We... we stayed on the radio with him till... till the end," John said, struggling to maintain control. "We wouldn't leave him... even when he told us to go."

Elizabeth wasn't sure her own voice was terribly steady when she waved a hand to let them know that she had heard enough, for now. "All right," she said quietly. "We can meet for a debriefing... later; I'll let you know when. For now, you all need dry clothes and... and..."

Teyla shook her head. "Before anything else," she said sorrowfully, "I believe we need to inform Dr Beckett."

Oh dear god, Elizabeth felt her throat constrict. Carson. He and Rodney had been together -as devoted a couple as Elizabeth had ever known- for over a year now. This news would come as a cruel, cruel blow... to one of the kindest, gentlest people she had ever met. Had she been a stronger person, Elizabeth supposed, she'd have gone with them to deliver the news, but she wasn't.

"Of... of course," she managed, barely able to get the words out. She was going to lose it any second now, and she had to get away... "Tell him if there's anything he needs, or if there's anything any of you need..." She couldn't finish, but Teyla, bless her, understood.

"We will let him know," she said, touching Elizabeth's hand gently. "Rest assured."

"Good," Elizabeth said, nodding desperately, and then she fled, up the stairs to her office to shut the door behind her, collapse at her desk, bury her face in her hands and give way to helpless, wretched tears.

She did not even see the three remaining team members leave the gate room on their mission of sorrow.

~****~

John knew he was running on autopilot, had been since he'd let Teyla and Ronon pull him from that cursed ruin of a city with McKay's water choked voice still ringing in his ears. John Sheppard was no stranger to fuckups, but he did not think he'd ever let so many people down so badly before, and worse, they were people he had come to care about -a lot. There was no way he was ready to confront what Rodney had meant to him personally; facing Carson was going to be bad enough.

Carson was alone in his lab when they found him, which was a small mercy. If their wet and bedraggled forms didn't warn him that something was badly amiss, John's turning back to lock the lab door behind him would be a sure sign that the news they brought was very bad indeed. The man was no fool, and one look at the three of them, seeing who was not there, told Carson the worst of it.

"Oh no..." he breathed as he turned to face them. "Please, lord, no..."

"We are so very sorry, Carson," once again, it was Teyla who had the strength to speak -a strength that made John feel weak and foolish beside her. "Rodney became trapped in the ruins we were exploring on MX-374 as the tide came in. He could not free himself, nor could we, for all our efforts."

Carson remained standing, all but frozen in shock as he reached out a hand to grasp Teyla's shoulder. "Drowned...?" he asked at last, his voice strained with grief stricken bewilderment. "Are ye tellin' me he's drowned?"

"We tried..." John finally spoke. "We tried everything, Carson, but those fucking doors... we didn't have any tools, we couldn't get them open... god we tried everything... He saved our asses too. We were all trapped and he figured out how to get us free, but he couldn't manage for himself."

John couldn't meet Carson's gaze, couldn't bear to see the tears starting in those bright, soulful blue eyes, but he saw Teyla move closer to him, as Ronon, a silent pillar of strength, closed in behind him.

"He was so very brave, Carson," Teyla said. "And he was not alone -though a door stood between us, the radio channel remained open. He knew he was not alone."

"Then... then he's still there...?" John could hear the tears in Carson's voice, though he still did not dare face him. He'd fall apart if he did, and he couldn't... just couldn't.

"We'll go back for him," Ronon spoke at last. "In forty days, the villagers said, the tide goes back out again, and we'll be back. We'll bring what we need to get him out -pry bars, cutting torches, whatever it takes- and we'll bring him home."

At one point in his career, John had done air-sea rescue in the North Sea, and he had the unhappy experience of seeing what a forty day drowned body looked like. The idea that they would find Rodney like that tore John up inside like nothing he'd ever experienced. Ronon's words seemed to strike Carson with a sense of finality as well.

"Oh god, Rodney..." he sobbed, and Teyla pulled him close, finding a chair for him so that he could sit as his legs gave way. John felt as helpless as he had standing chest deep in the rising sea water in that cursed city, listening to Rodney's panicked voice telling them to get out, that it was to late for him. He'd said other things too, John suddenly recalled.

"He... he said to tell you, Carson..." John began, dreading to speak such personal words, but knowing that it was just one tiny part of the penance he owed Rodney's memory. "He said... he said..." But John couldn't get the words out, couldn't muster up the courage, or strength, or whatever it was that he was clearly missing... and he failed Rodney once again.

"His last thoughts were of you, Carson, and his last words," Teyla intercepted smoothly. "He loved you very much, and he wanted you to know that at the end."

John made himself look then, thinking that it was the least he could do, and saw Teyla kneeling before the grieving man, letting him rest his head against her shoulder as Ronon's hand lay gently on his back. He should be there with them, he knew, but John couldn't make himself move from where he stood by the door, thinking of men who became frozen in the heat of battle and of what others always said about them afterward. Coward, he thought to himself. That's what I am.

"We fucked up," John said, knowing those words too well, and finding them much easier to say than others. "I fucked up... I don't know what we could have done... but there had to have been something, and I should have thought of it... I... god I'm sorry..."

"John..." Carson lifted his head, revealing his tear streaked face, his shattered, pain filled eyes. "It's no your fault John..."

"Of course it's my fault," John ground out. "Who else's fault could it be?"

"Sheppard..." Ronon's voice was tired, but also warning and John had no stomach for this fight.

"I have to go tell Radek," John said, giving himself an escape route, though bearing this news to the science department -and to his own lover- would hardly be any more pleasant.

"John, please..." Carson plead, but he turned to go anyway, knowing himself irrefutably for a coward.

"Zelenka'll sort him," he heard Ronon say as the door closed behind him. Maybe, John thought to himself, though it seemed more likely that after he heard this news, Radek would never speak to him again.


~****~

On to Ch 2, but don't expect things to get any happier for a while yet...