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"Thresholds" Chapter 9
Title: On Thresholds, and Passing Through Them, Ch. 9

Author: Taylor Dancinghands -taylor@willendorphians.com

Category: slash, h/c, foursome, fake character death

Pairings/Characters: McKay/Beckett, Sheppard/Zelenka, and then, Beckett/Sheppard/Zelenka, and then McKay/Beckett/Sheppard/Zelenka, eventually, also passing implications of Teyla/Ronon, and Weir and Lorne appear as well

Rating: NC 17

Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where

Summary: Rodney McKay's apparent death tears an enormous hole in the lives of many on Atlantis, especially his lover, Carson Beckett. It seems only natural when Carson turns to Radek and John for comfort, even when the three of them grow closer than expected. Then, their new, fragile equilibrium becomes threataned, by what ought to be the best possible news, for Rodney McKay is not dead at all...

Spoilers/Season: Possible minor references to episodes through season 3.


Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?




On Thresholds and Passing Through Them

by Taylor Dancinghands

Chapter 9


Most of Rodney's more recent memories were a bit muddled, but that was to be expected. There was the bit involving trying (and apparently succeeding) to get the stasis chamber to work, which was muddled with terror and oxygen deprivation, and then there was the bit that followed, muddled by his recovery from the stasis chamber itself, plus the fact that he evidently hadn't been breathing at first. After that there had been the coughing and choking and the awful struggle to start breathing again, which was an altogether new sort of terror for Rodney, but even through all that there had been familiar voices and soothing touches. By the time he was managing to get anything like real breaths of sweet, sweet air into his lungs, Rodney had known he was back with his people -with Carson and John and Radek and Teyla and Ronon- and that all would be well.

It was when they got him on oxygen (wonderful, wonderful oxygen) and his brain began firing on all four again, that Rodney began to consider how much time had to have gone by for his team to have been able to rescue him. There was also little doubt in Rodney's mind that they would have had to have thought him dead for all that time, and the shocked look on Carson's tear streaked face, and the broken sound of his voice pretty much confirmed that for Rodney.

He worked on trying to wrap his head around that idea for the duration of the jumper trip back to Atlantis, holding as tightly as he could to Carson's hands where they gripped his. In the end he resorted to trying to imagine how he would have felt if he'd thought Carson dead for six weeks and when that hit home Rodney found himself gazing, wide eyed, into Carson's tear filled ones, wanting desperately to speak to the man, to offer him the reassurance that he surely wanted, but prevented from doing so by the oxygen mask.

Carson seemed to understand, though, for he lifted one of his hands to smooth Rodney's hair and then leaned over to kiss him gently on the forehead. Rodney felt a single tear drop from Carson's eyes onto his face, felt the heat of it burn across his cheek, and understood the depth of his lover's grief, and the depth of his joy, all at once.

The look Elizabeth gave him as he was wheeled out of the jumper was one he had only seen her give Sheppard before -the look reserved for people who had, impossibly, come back from the dead. Rodney realized that he was going to get that look from a lot of people over the next few weeks and felt a little surge of dismay. Settling back into the ordinary routines of his life, he reflected, might not be so simple at first.

Getting checked into the infirmary involved, as usual, a host of small indignities and discomforts, but eventually resulted in a number of improvements in his personal comfort, including being dressed in nice, clean, dry scrubs, and having the oxygen mask replaced with a cannula, which made speaking considerably easier. The coughing continued to plague him, however, and while each bout left his lungs feeling a bit clearer, it was an exhausting process and when, at last, he was comfortably bedded down with Carson sitting at his side and no one else around, all Rodney wanted to do was sleep.

"Sorry I scared you," Rodney managed, desperate to offer Carson some comfort, even as his eyes were fluttering closed.

"It's alright, love," Carson murmured, leaning to touch his lips to Rodney's. "Ye've come back to me now, and that's all that's important."

"Always..." Rodney managed to mumble as he drifted off at last. It was a foolish, impossible thing to promise, and what he'd sort of meant to say was that he'd always try, but he'd only been able to get the one word out before he fell asleep.

When he woke again, it was to the awareness that there was a warm, heavy weight across his knees, and he reached down, almost instinctively, to run his fingers through the tousled hair of the man lying slumped over his bed. Carson responded sleepily to the touch.

"You know you're going to ruin your back sleeping like that," Rodney murmured affectionately. Carson groaned a little as he lifted himself up, apparently proving Rodney's point.

"You're still here..." he said, voice rough with sleep. "I didn't dream it..."

Rodney shook his head, reaching down to take Carson's hand again. "Still right here," he said. "Just like I will be when you wake up in that cot over there..."

Carson straightened painfully, then leaned over to give Rodney a tender kiss. "Aye, I suppose you're right," he said. "Do you need anything while I'm up?"

Rodney shook his head. "Got everything I need right here," he said, then coughed to cover the unaccustomed sentiment of his words.

"As do I, love," Carson said, brushing his fingers over Rodney's cheek one last time before he tumbled into the adjacent cot. "As do I."

~****~


Ordinarily, they were more circumspect, and never entered or left Radek's quarters together, but today, all but shell shocked with the enormity of their discovery, Radek and John made their way together, falling into each other's arms again as soon as the door closed behind them. They stood and held one another without speaking for some time, hearts too full for words, until Radek's own small discomforts finally asserted themselves.

"Sakra," he muttered. "My boots are full of sea water."

"Shower?" John said with his usual economy of words as he nuzzled the side of Radek's neck.

"With you?" Radek replied in kind, inviting his lover with a happy leer.

"Definitely," John answered, moving his hands to lift Radek's shirt away as though that had been his plan all along -and perhaps it had.

They undressed each other with skillful efficiency, held up briefly by Radek's brine soaked boot laces. Radek's feet, when finally liberated, were pale and pruney, and he had to wiggle his toes to be sure he could still feel them. "We will have very hot shower, please?" he requested as he followed his naked lover into the bathroom.

Though he could be smug about the abilities his ATA gene afforded him at times, most days Radek really enjoyed the fact that John could do things like have the shower running and set at just the right temperature even as they entered the bathroom. The water was hot enough to be ever so slightly painful at first, as it struck Radek's chilled skin, but he had adjusted to it after only a few seconds, and let loose a heartfelt sigh of comfort as he felt his body absorb the warmth.

The Ancient Lanteans had evidently considered shower comfort a priority, because even the small rooms like Radek's featured showers easily big enough for two... or more. The shower spray was generously wide as well, so that when Sheppard stepped in beside him Radek was able to stand back far enough to observe without leaving the comfort of the cascade of steaming hot water. Everything was slightly soft focused, of course, between the clouds of steam and Radek's own less than perfect vision, but even so, watching John throw his head back and let the spray course over his body, running in rivulets over his darkly haired chest and thighs, was a pleasure Radek never failed to appreciate.

The real glory of it was that watching a naked John relax in the shower involved both purely aesthetic delights, as well as an undeniably physiological one. John was beautiful, and never more so than when he was revealed like this, the water accentuating the contours of his perfectly defined muscles and making him glisten under the bright bathroom lights. At the same time, Radek could not help imagining placing his hands and mouth and other bits of his own flesh all the places that the water touched, and his imagination was fired further by his many memories of watching that body respond to his touch, muscles moving and contracting reflexively in response to the pleasure his touch brought.

Radek loved to watch without touching for as long as he could stand it, though that was never too terribly long.

John knew it too, and after the first few moments of simply basking in the shower's relaxing heat, he tended to show off. His movements languorous, he lifted his hands to comb his fingers through his water slicked hair, then let them caress their way down his body, ostensibly helping the water carry away the day's sweat and dirt, but mostly making Radek want to put his own hands there. Radek hummed in appreciation, but held his hands back for the moment, enjoying the show.

Grinning devilishly (and Bože but the man did that far too well), John reached for the shower gel next, getting a generous handful and working it into a lather which he proceeded to slather all over his body. Radek licked his lips as he watched a little blob of suds perch for a long moment on one of John's nipples before succumbing to the shower's spray, and wanted desperately to lick every part of the body John was displaying for him. His own cock was lifting in undeniable interest, and it wanted to be touched as well, but Radek knew that the secret to enjoyment of many things was pacing, so he continued to hold back. The fun would come soon enough, he knew.

There was, for instance, plenty of pleasure, both aesthetic and prurient, to be had in watching John's cock gradually go from loose and relaxed to slightly tumescent to half erect to fully hard and upright over the course of a few minutes. It was a show all to itself. It also served as an amusing indicator that Radek was not the only one being tormented here, and Radek was pretty sure that, as was often the case, John would resort to touching himself before Radek did.

Sure enough, there was John's hand, slipping down over his belly to palm his erect flesh, then wrap long, agile fingers around it to pump just once, and that was Radek's cue that he had held back long enough. He stepped forward, taking hold of both John's hands and pulling them away so that he could press his own groin against John's as he lifted his head to bring their lips and mouths together.

John moaned into the kiss, taking hold of Radek's head to control it, even as he ground his erection helplessly against Radek's. John liked to play at taking control at the start, but also seemed to enjoy having Radek take it away from him. Radek was no stranger to such dynamics, and pressed back into him, weakening John's control by heightening his arousal. Reaching up to play with both John's nipples -pinching them and rolling them between his fingers- undid him further until John had to gasp, releasing Radek from the kiss.

Thus freed, Radek lowered his head to take with his mouth what his fingers had possessed earlier. He loved tasting John's nipples -loved tonguing them into pebbly hardness, loved pinching them between his lips, or between teeth and tongue, and loved most of all how John groaned and panted when he did these things. When in the right mood, Radek could be content doing this for hours, but this evening he was impatient, and had other objects in mind.

To that end, Radek bent lower, though his fingers continued to enjoy John's nipples, and kissed his way down his lover's torso, eventually dropping to his knees. There he wasted no time, licking and kissing John's hard and needy flesh for only a few moments before he wrapped his lips around the crown then took it deep as he could, till he could feel it brush the back of his throat.

"Oh fuck, Radek..." John groaned as Radek began to move his mouth up and down John's shaft, and Radek lost himself in the pleasure of the task. Ježiší marja, how Radek loved to feel the thick, living hardness of John's cock filling his mouth. How he loved the velvet feel of him, the tantalizing contours passing over his lips and tongue, the warm, human taste that was only John. How he loved feeling John's hips tensing and thrusting under his hands, feeling John's hands clutching at his head, his fingers tangling in his hair, and John's voice, low and throaty, as he moaned and panted in response to Radek's ministrations.

Aware, as well, of the pleasant counterpoint of the hot spray of the shower caressing his back and shoulders as he sucked John's cock, Radek dwelt in the moment -his heart full- for as long as he could. More often than not Radek refrained from bringing John all the way to completion when he knew there would be more to follow after the shower. Tonight, however, Radek felt so suffused with joy, he was unable to hold himself back. He let John's hands guide him, faster and deeper, sucked and tongued in time with the rhythm John set until he felt John go rigid, his hands tighten almost painfully on his head, his voice give a choked cry, and tasted the salty warmth of his ejaculate over his tongue.

They both fell back, panting, John to lean against the wall of the shower, Radek to rock back on his heels, tilting his face up to let the shower push his hair out of his face, and rinse the small trace of semen away from the corner of his mouth. After a moment he felt John draw him up to pull him into a kiss, and Radek complied happily, wrapping his arms around his lover and holding him close under the shower. John took advantage of that closeness to reach a hand down to caress Radek's ass, then slip around the front to close gently around his cock.

Radek moaned and thrust his hips helplessly, but then reached down with some effort to push John's hand away.

"I want to use this to fuck you," he murmured into John's throat, "very, very soon, and I want to do it in the bed."

"Bed is good," John said, nuzzling Radek's hair. "So is very soon."

"Yes, yes, I am also genius," Radek said with a grin, and held out his hand to John. "Soap please." Radek knew perfectly well that John would have liked to wash him, but that would not result in a expedient move to the bed.

"Never said you weren't," John said with an easy smile, filling his hand with soap and then leaning back to watch Radek wash. Radek smiled to see him reach down and begin to handle himself as he watched, and they both knew that John was going to come again tonight. Knowing that John was going to enjoy himself no matter what he did, Radek cleaned himself as expediently as possible, heading out of the shower the moment the water was off.

They were dry and on the bed in under a minute, the lube clutched in Radek's hand and John on his elbows and knees, open before Radek with his thighs wide apart. Concentrating to keep his hands steady, Radek smoothed fingers full of lube in and around John's opening and basked in the sound of John's broken moaning.

"Fuck... just, fuck..." John groaned as Radek quickly pressed two, then three fingers into him. "Fuck, Radek, I'm good; I'm good... just..."

"Ano, ano..." Radek's hands were shaking now, as he hastily slicked himself up. Then he was bracing those hands against John's ass and pushing himself in, sinking his cock deep into the heat of John's body and almost sobbing a bit at the intensity of it. "Miluje te... " he moaned, even as he heard John cry out, "Oh fuck, yes...!"

Radek fought to savor it for as long as he could, holding himself inside his lover for several leisurely seconds before drawing slowly out, and sucking in a slow breath before sinking back in again. He managed to keep up a steady pace for a bit, in spite of John's increasingly desperate thrusts back against him, but he eventually broke. He felt himself break, thinking briefly, now no one is in control, before giving in to the imperative to match his lover's thrusts with increasing force and tempo.

The sounds they made degenerated to voiceless pants and grunts for a length of time, until Radek's pants began to morph into cries, wordless but full voiced again and again... and then he felt John shudder beneath him, his back arching and his release spattering on the bed. At the first contraction of John's climaxing body around his cock, Radek was gone, hammering his hips hard into his lover twice and then coming himself.

Time seemed to still as Radek felt the ecstasy course through his whole being, and his awareness of his lover experiencing similar pleasures only intensified that sense. It was with regret that Radek felt the moment pass, but it left him with the certainty that life was still pretty damned good. He felt that sense all but radiating from John as well, as he shifted around to allow John to collapse on his side. They slipped apart when he did, and Radek shuddered just a bit to feel it. He curled close, content to his very bones to feel John's arm's come to encircle him.

They lay in contentment and silence for some time, and many nights they fell asleep at this point, but not tonight. Radek lay with his eyes closed and reveled both in the sense of John's arms around him, and the knowledge that Rodney McKay -more dear to him than he had ever realized- was not lost to him after all. Just the realization that he might, some day soon, not be in charge of the Science Division was a source of dizzying joy, and the enormity of it all made his mind whirl, and made sleep impossible.

The was also just the slightest tinge of bittersweet to Radek's musings, however, for he had gotten used to having one more body in this bed the past few weeks and he found himself missing Carson -more, perhaps, than he ought. John was his and he was John's; Radek knew that without a shadow of a doubt and up until recently it had been enough -more than enough. He felt John's face nuzzle against his forehead and knew that John wasn't asleep either.

"Is it wrong to miss him?" Radek asked softly into the quiet dark.

"Not if I miss him too," John answered, pulling Radek a little closer. Radek cherished his lover's ready forgiveness in silence for a contemplative moment, until he could nerve himself up to ask the question that followed.

"Is it wrong..." Radek's voice was little more than a whisper, "...to want them both?"

John's first answer was to press his lips against Radek's temple and when he spoke his voice was hushed and a little frightened. "It better not be, lover," he said. "It better not be."

~****~

And now for Carson and Rodney's happy homecoming...